The other day, I wrote this while finishing a scene:
Rax’s hand reached out and pointed toward the window.
I remember reading somewhere to avoid disembodied hands, arms, eyes and other appendages doing the action instead of the character.
So, I rewrote the the sentence with the character performing the action:
Rax gestured toward the window.
It was a classic case of the body part performing the action versus the character performing the action. Now is a good time to go over your current work in progress and find instances of this practice of weak writing.
But why is it weak writing? When the character performs the action directly, the writer accomplishes the following:
- Maintains a character’s point-of-view
- Makes a sentence more succinct
- Avoids awkward phrasing
Here’s a few more examples.
| Original: | Revised: |
| Petunia’s eyes scanned the room for danger. | Petunia scanned the room for danger. |
| Sylvesters feet carried him across the courtyard. | Sylvester crossed the courtyard. |
| The nurse’s fingers drummed nervously on the table. | The nurse drummed her fingers nervously on the table. |
| The baboon’s head turned toward the noise. | The baboon turned toward the noise. |
| The statue’s mouth curled into a grin. | The statue grinned. |
After giving all these examples, I want to mention there are exceptions. Take the last one with the statue. I think the original is more effective because it creates a vivid image. Imagine seeing a statue at the museum suddenly smile–no other movement. Creepy.
If an action by a body part evokes a powerful visual, use it. If it emphasizes the action for a more interesting effect, do it.
Here are some examples of using the body part to do the action:
| Example: | Effect: |
| Eriska‘s hands trembled as they packed the suitcase, as if they belonged to someone else. | Creates a sense of disassociation, shock and the surreal. |
| Zorellin‘s fingers traced the old scar, hesitant and slow, like they were remembering for him. | Suggests more tactile sensations |
| Kaelith‘s legs refused to move, locking her in place like pillars sunk in concrete. | Personifying the legs aids to the metaphor of legs to pillars. |
Using the character to perform the action should be the standard unless a focus on the body part creates a specific effect that helps your story. When it’s done deliberately, for a specific reason, the writer can create wonderful sensory details and figurative language.
Friday’s Findings
- Breakaway Body Parts: Are Your Characters’ Body Parts Acting on Their Own?
- The Star Does All The Good Stuff
- From flash of lightning to finished novel: a writer’s survival guide
- What is Atmosphere in Literature? And How to Build it
- Figurative Language: Types, Examples, and How to Use It
Andrew M. Friday 
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