For the past year, I’ve been creating a story in my mind. It started with a single scene, but since then I’ve daydreamed of several scenarios in which my story fermented, busted, and grew. And grew some more. If I wasn’t already working on other pieces of fiction, I’d go ahead and give it my full attention.
For now, I’m settling for making notes and jotting down ideas as the world-building for this story idea has grown and grown.
So, in this final installment of my series on info-dumps, I decided to write the first few paragraphs of an opening chapter to this potential novel. I just show some characters encountering some alien creatures. I’m trying to show how life would go on if Earth were actually invaded. Life would change, yes, but not totally. People would still want their coffee.
But I’m not going to explain what’s going on right away. This is my attempt to just sprinkle in some glimpses of what’s happening to our world through the opening hours of a coffee shop. This is a rough draft, so don’t expect a masterpiece of fiction.
So, here’s an attempt to avoid info-dumping …
The Fangs of Justice
“If you’re just going to cry and whimper, stop looking at it.” Austin placed the filter in the brew basket and searched for the coffee grounds.
Hannah remained frozen and stared out the drive-thru window. Austin tried not to study her quivering backside as she quietly wept.
He frowned. Oh, god. Stop crying.
The nine-foot slug with several tentacles, or rather its silhouette, had parked on Hurstbourne Lane. Austin had opened up for Perks Northfield this morning. At 5:30 in the A.M., darkness would reign for another hour and a half this time of year. He stared at the red police lights on the cars of the officers who blocked the road on either side of the creature. The cherries mesmerized him. He shook his head and continued prepping the coffee machine.
“Just shut up, Austin,” said Michelle in her native Chicago accent. “This is the first time she’s seen one.” She walked up behind Hannah and put a hand on the younger woman’s shoulder. “Sweetheart, it’s just going to sit there until dawn, and then it will vanish. They don’t go inside buildings.”
Michelle, old enough to be the mother of the other two baristas, tugged at Hannah’s arm. “C’mon to the back. We need to get stuff to stock the snack bar.”
“This is like the third time one of them showed up near here.” He imagined himself being the one to put his arm around Hannah’s shoulder, to pull her tight to him. “She’s going to just have to get used to it.”
Michelle glared at him and pulled at Hannah.
But the younger woman remained frozen. “I drove in the back way. I wouldn’t even have come in if I knew one was nearby.”
The coffee machine hissed loudly, and Austin sighed. He pictured taking her into the back room himself, whispering words of comfort in her ear, and Hannah responding with a look of longing and a sudden deep kiss. “Geez. I wouldn’t worry about them. They’re harmless.”
Are they, though? He thought after he said it.
“They’re now saying they’re probably aliens from another world.” Hannah’s barely audible voice cracked. “Or maybe another dimension.” She brushed a tear from her cheek.
Michelle gave Austin another look and tugged harder on Hannah’s arm. “Standing here staring at it is only going to make you wet your pants. Now, c’mon.”
Hannah relented, and the two women marched into the back room.
Was it Ernest Hemingway who used the analogy of the iceberg? “The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one-eighth of it being above water”. He’s saying writers should imply rather than explicitly tell what’s going on.
I hope I did that with my writing prompt above. I wanted to show Austin’s crush on Hannah without actually saying ‘Austin had a major crush on Hannah.’ I also wanted to weave in some sub-text by having him externally chastise her with his words, but internally dwell on his feelings for her with his thoughts.
But more importantly, I tried to avoid info-dumping everything I know in my mind about the creature. I used a little bit of dialogue. I used a little bit of character reactions. I tried not to be too on the nose about it. We learn that it’s not the only one. Eventually, I would reveal they’re all over the globe. And they’re harmless unless provoked. And they only show up in the darkness and then … vanish?
But this is just the tip of Hemingway’s iceberg. I have a lot more backstory. Were I writing this out as a full-fledge novel, I would weave in the details gradually. But for now, I tried not to dump the entire world-building about the invasion in these first few paragraphs. And the same can be said about Austin’s feelings for Hannah. And his entire history.
I’m reiterating this writing prompt: write the first few paragraphs of a piece of fiction. Avoid info-dumping by only giving the reader a few crumbs of the full story. Try not to spill too much through world-building, dialogue, and emotions.
Would love to see your results.
Friday’s Findings:
More on avoiding infodumps:
- 7 Ways to Avoid an Info Dump
- 5 Ways To Avoid Info-Dumping
- How can I avoid info dumping?
- Info Dumping: What It Is and How to Avoid It
- Get On With It! How To Avoid Info Dumps in Your Fiction
- How to Dump Info without Info-Dumping
- The Shocking Truth About Info Dumps
- The writer’s toolkit: A voice journal for character development
- Four Tips for Fixing the Infamous “Info Dump”
Photo by Markus Spiske: https://www.pexels.com/photo/green-and-yellow-printed-textile-330771/
Andrew M. Friday 
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