In my last blog entry, I talked about the dos and don’ts of info-dumping. Now, I’d like to offer some case studies of info-dumping in action.
While these may exaggerate info-dumps in action, they can still cause the writer to ask herself, ‘Have I done this?’
Info-dumps mostly pop up in these areas of description in fiction writing: world building, dialogue, and emotions.
So, here they are: several examples of bad fiction writing that use info dumping:
Example 1: Sci-Fi Info Dump
Keta stepped into CinderHaven, marveling at the towering skyscrapers that scraped the artificial ozone layer. The city was founded in CEM 2157 by Dr. Benet Hovedefo, a brilliant scientist who had revolutionized renewable energy technology after the Supreme Shatter of 2137. The Shatter had occurred when Earth’s natural resources were depleted, leading to widespread chaos and the eventual establishment of the Earthtime Syndicate. The Syndicate then funded Hovedefo’s groundbreaking Photonic Gravitor Reactor, which powered the entire city using deepatomic particles. CinderHaven was divided into six zones, each with a distinct purpose: Zone 1 was residential, Zone 2 was industrial, Zone 3 housed the elite…
Problem: This passage dumps unnecessary world-building details all at once, overwhelming the reader and stalling the narrative. We don’t hear about Keta after the first sentence.
Example 2: Fantasy Info Dump
Sarar hesitated at the edge of Keellinet Forest, a place of ancient magic. The forest was created centuries ago by the Supramage Tholoro, who, after the Great War of Inferno, decided to preserve the essence of life within its trees. The trees were not ordinary, of course; they were infused with the lifeblood of fallen warriors, which gave them the ability to whisper prophecies to those who could listen. The Great War had started when the Firedrake Lords attempted to take over the northeastern territories, leading to a fierce conflict that lasted fifty years and claimed thousands of lives…
Problem: Instead of letting the reader experience the forest through Sarar’s actions or discovery, the author pauses to explain its entire history.
Example 3: Mystery Info Dump
Detective Landry leaned back in her chair, eyeing the suspect. “Tell me where you were last night.”
“I was at the Blue Bounce,” the man said, nervously adjusting his tie.
The Blue Bounce was a bar on 13th Street, notorious for its shady clientele. It had been open since 1923, during the Prohibition era, when it served as a speakeasy for the city’s elite. It was owned by Ronan ‘Nice Guy’ Furno, a mob boss who famously lost two toes during a botched heist. After Prohibition ended, the bar became a regular haunt for lowlifes, gamblers, and anyone looking to disappear for a while…
Problem: The narrative stops to deliver unnecessary backstory about the bar, which detracts from the tension of the interrogation scene.
Example 4: Sci-Fi Dialogue Info Dump
Tia: “Commander, why do we have to repair the protonic metavise right now?”
Commander Doyle: “Because the metavise, which was invented by Dr. Zoya Gupta in 2152, uses antimatter particles to create wormholes for faster-than-light travel. If we don’t fix it, we’ll be stuck in this sector for weeks, and the oxygen recyclers, which were designed to last only three months in emergency situations, might fail. Remember, our mission to deliver the Ugritiss Crystal is crucial because it’s the only power source capable of stabilizing Earth’s decaying magnetic field.”
Problem: The dialogue crams excessive technical and world-building details into a single exchange, making it feel unnatural and forced.
Example 5: Fantasy Dialogue Info Dump
Iroon: “Do you really think we can defeat the Dusk King?”
Baron: “We have to try. The Dusk King has ruled the Realm of the Touch for over a century, ever since he usurped the throne from Queen Magdelena. You know, she was the one who forged the Blade Spineripper using the last shard of the Sparkstone, a relic from the Age of Dusk. That blade is the only weapon capable of piercing the Dusk King’s armor, which was enchanted by the ancient sorcerer Evius during the Siege of Ataz.”
Problem: Instead of focusing on the tension and stakes of the upcoming battle, the dialogue awkwardly delivers unnecessary historical details.
Example 6: Mystery Dialogue Info Dump
Detective Orr: “Why is this case connected to the Greer family?”
Partner: “You don’t know? The Greers have been involved in criminal activity for decades. Back in the ’80s, Darin Greer Sr. was implicated in a massive embezzlement scandal, and his son, Darin Jr., took over the family business—a series of shell companies used for money laundering. Their ties to organized crime go back to the 1940s, when Darin Sr.’s father ran illegal gambling dens in the city. It’s no wonder they’d be mixed up in this murder.”
Problem: The partner’s response feels like an awkward lecture rather than a natural conversation, breaking the flow of the scene and bogging down the narrative with too much backstory.
Example 7: Emotional Info Dump
Arisha was devastated. She felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and loss. Her mother had always been her rock, guiding her through life with love and wisdom. Now, without her, Arisha felt completely alone and unsure of how to move forward. The grief was unbearable, and she didn’t know if she’d ever be happy again. Every room in the house reminded her of her mother, and it was all too much to bear.
Problem: The narrative tells the reader how Arisha feels without showing it. There’s no description of her actions, environment, or behavior that would let the reader infer her grief.
Example 8: World-Building Info Dump
The city was a dystopian nightmare. It was a place of oppression and despair, where the government controlled every aspect of people’s lives. Surveillance cameras monitored every street corner, and armed guards patrolled constantly. The citizens lived in fear, knowing that any act of defiance could lead to imprisonment or worse. The air was thick with pollution, and the buildings were crumbling from neglect. Life in the city was a constant struggle for survival.
Problem: The description lacks any specific scenes or sensory details to illustrate the dystopian setting. It simply tells the reader that the city is oppressive and decaying, without allowing them to experience it through the character’s perspective or interactions.
Key Issues with the above examples:
- These examples rely heavily on telling the reader what to feel or understand, rather than showing through actions, sensory details, or character interactions that would engage the reader more deeply.
- In each example, the narrative halts to deliver information that could have been revealed more naturally
- In these examples, characters unnaturally relay large amounts of exposition, making the dialogue feel forced and unconvincing. Instead, such details should be woven into the story more organically through action, gradual discovery, or subtler interactions.
In part three of this series on info-dumps, I’ll post my own experiment in trying to create suspense in an opening for a writing prompt.
Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-detective-looking-at-a-man-7299459/
Andrew M. Friday 
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